Relax what you “know” for the next 5 or 10 minutes with me.
Relax all the things you believe that you believe.
We’re going to play a little game; humour me for a bit!
I am going to pretend to be a writer who knows what he is talking about, and you are going to pretend that you are a reader who is really interested in finding out what I’m teasing you with, and what I have written!
We’re going to imagine some stories and then just see what happens.
IMPORTANT CLARIFICATION: This post is not about pretending whether actual real things exist or not; effects of climate change, racism, hate, depression etc. This post is about your internal self, internal story and beliefs. And recognising your feelings. Or something like that.
The secret.
Here’s what I’m on about. Please feel free to read just this and no further, then get on with your day. Or jump to Final thoughts down below.
Here’s the big secret.
Nobody really knows what they’re doing.
Everybody is making it up as they go along.
Just really absorb that last bit for a moment.
Everybody is making it up as they go along.
Everyone.
We’re a pretty capable race of beings with fantastic predictive abilities and that’s a big part of how we have progressed to the state that we’re in. However, nobody has a crystal ball to 100% predict the future.
And nobody is really who they think they are.
Tell me a story.
I play a game at work, experimenting with how I greet groups of young people who attend our sessions. And I just see what happens.
When the group arrives, they get gathered together in one big bunch, then, with me at the front, I shout;
“Good morning everyone!”, in a regular, nice to see you style. “Good morning!” comes back at me. Then, I say it again, but in a really low deep style voice……….and it gets repeated back at me, in the same low deep style voice from the group. Then, once third and last time, I’ll give a good morning, but this time higher pitched and almost squeaky! And you guessed it, I’ll get back, a high pitched and squeaky, “Good morning!”. For absolutely no reason. With absolutely no instruction. Simply doing it.
There’s another one I might tack on, or will do at some time during the day. I’ll make shapes and poses with my body.
Arms straight out by my sides. Then arms above my head. Then “I’m a little teacup” pose. And on and on, as long as I feel I can get away with.
At the end of both series of events I’ll even say, “Nobody told you to copy any of that, but you did it!”
What’s happening here? This might be a very specific thing to English schools and the schoolchildren who attend them, but it’s quite possible that these young people just believe that when you go on a trip to an exciting place, you do what the leader tells you to do. Because they’re the one who knows.
But another way to look at it is this;
I’m pretending really strongly to be “Mr. Well Qualified and Experience Activity Leader Instructor”, someone who knows very well what they’re doing. (And to be fair, I’ve spent quite some time gaining experience and qualifications that I really strongly believe it myself, and am fairly alright at it). And in your mind, you’re making up this image, telling yourself a story, of what a trustworthy “Activity Leader Instructor” would be, then you are willing to believe (pretend) that there is a real person who satisfies that image. Me
So you say “Good morning” 3 times, in 3 different voices, and you do whacky arm movements when I do, without knowing why.
Sound silly? A really interesting question to ask yourself is, Do we really stop doing that in our day to day lives?
(Alternative; none of the above is true and Frankie’s talking nonsense again)
Stories.
All stories.
Stories are part of the basis of human belief and existence.
Stories are told every moment of every day. That’s why we do things and live our lives the way we do. From the small everyday habits and routines, to the reason folks think they need to work a job for their whole lives till they retire, stories make up our lives Indeed, stories make up who we individually are.
Tell me about yourself.
When we drop this line into a conversation with someone new, are we not just saying, “Hey, please tell me a bunch of stories so I know what your character is?”
We tell others stories all the time to make them believe in something, or to believe in us. So that they are confident in who we are, or what we can do. To trust us. To confide in us. So that there is a confidence that we can perform something they desire. (This is sales).
We tell non-verbal stories through the clothes we wear, the behaviours we do, the habits we perform every day, the ways we choose to move. These all add up to say, “I am this kind of person” without needing to say anything.
“I wear an AC/DC t-shirt, to show that I like AC/DC. Oh, Hey! You like AC/DC too? Cool, thanks for saying hello, lets talk about the opening of ‘Thunder’ together!”
Stories help us get work, make friends and relationships, get by day to day, fit in, find our tribe, and try to make sense of our existence.
Your story.
Back to the point. Remember when I suggested,
Everybody is making it up as they go along. Me, a few paragraphs up
You can do this too. You can just make it up, all the time. In your own head.
There’s a ridiculous amount of stories that you’re deciding to believe without even realising it (I do it too) and without even questioning it.
A lot of these stories help us just to function and get by in day to day society and that’s great.
But I’m here to suggest you take a look at these beliefs of yours and start asking yourself some really good questions about if they’re true or not.
“I could never be a manager”.
“I don’t deserve that job role.”
“This is all I’ve ever been good at”
“It’d be so hard to learn that skill.
Yes. Sure. All true. If you believe that.
Pretend things often enough, hard enough, and with enough confidence (belief) and you will just assume that identity, either positively or negatively.
Every morning when you wake up, it happens anyway.
Choose your own story.
Final thoughts.
You know when people talk of “starting anew, with a clean slate”. A “Fresh start”. It comes with this idea that you have to uproot your life and go live somewhere new, or it has to be this big massive shift and upheaval.
Imagine getting off a plane in a new country; nobody knows who you are, who you have been, what you can do…anything! That thought of being someone totally new.
You can reinvent yourself in that way every day, every moment, every place
You are not your thoughts.
You are not the story your brain is choosing to believe.
But you can fool yourself to be, if that’s what you wish. So if you’re going to pretend, might as well pretend well!
Thanks for pretending to enjoy yourself whilst reading.
I hope you pretend to remember this post as much as I pretended it was important to get out of my brain.
-Frank
Further stuff for you to absorb.
Here’s a bit of stuff that will either really hit home with you, or just be a bowl full of nonsense but maybe with some nice sounds.
This Edith Egar quote; “the biggest prison is in your own mind“
If you liked this enough to think, “Damn that was good, I wish I could’ve heard this over a cup of coffee”, you can pretend that happened by buying me a cup of coffee here. Thanks chum!
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