There's a struggle I've noticed over the years, which I've definitely suffered from, but have also seen others tussle with too.
It can be an internal, mental battle but can also show itself as physical distress, discomfort or undesirable actions.
The 'Anxiety of Not Knowing' is when the chatter in your brain or the feelings in your body are whirling round and round and round because you haven't got an answer, a reply, or a solution to something that's going on in your world.
This is amplified by the Imagined Futures that our brain really enjoys making up!
There are some really easy ways to mitigate the Not Knowing, and that's to take a breath, be patient, remember others are living their lives, and assume the best.
Imagined Futures
"Did I say something wrong?"
"Did I forget to say that thing?"
"Agh, maybe I was too harsh in the way that I said that."
"I should've spent less time throwing the ball for the dog."
"What was it that I did that they didn't like?"
Me me me me me me me.
GIVE IT A REST, BRAIN!
Imagined Futures are just that - totally invented thoughts, pictures and scenarios inside of our minds about what might be happening, reasons for things happening or not happening, and generally just trying to make sense of a situation.
Problem is, they tend to assume the worst and be negatively charged. When they're like that, they cause a spiral of thoughts.
But the clue is in the name; they're Imagined Futures and it's all going on in your world. Your world is your own, not anybody elses. Remember that, because other peoples lives are happening to them at the same time.
Here's something to remember though:
ALL FUTURES ARE MADE UP!
None of it has happened yet!
Sometimes there are so many spinning plates all around us that we just lose track of which ones need attention, which ones are behind us, and which ones haven't quite completed their turn yet.
It's hard.
And so many people are spinning so many plates
Why does it happen?
I think the Not Knowing comes from a good place. I reckon it works to get you prepared for different outcomes of scenarios, and to make you aware of your actions - I have definitely been more reflective about my behaviour and actions after a dose of the Not Knowing!
It becomes a problem when it causes the spiralling, and doesn't have an end point.
I think the heightened anxiety comes from the kind of society most of us live in - instant gratification, hyperstimulation, excessive amounts of inputs at a moments notice, the worlds knowledge and answers just a short search term and half a second away.
No wonder our minds turn to negativity when we don't receive a reply from somebody STRAIGHT AWAY!
It also takes conscious effort to believe or assume that an Imagined Future is going to go well or work out in our favour, over believing the negative.
We like to cover our bases and cap the downside, but we can shoot a little higher.
Assume the world is working for your benefit.
Keeping it simple
Most of the time, Occams Razor rings ture - the simplest solution is often the best, and in this case, things just are what they are.
"I've been really busy and my attention has been elsewhere" really means they've been busy, and their attention has been all over the place.
"I totally forgot!" means they totally forgot, maybe because their attention was all over the place.
"We'll have to review, because most of the work is done." genuinely means most of the work is done. Good job. Well done.
I'm not encouraging you to be a pushover, but, if you're interacting with the right people, communicating respectfully and well, and have put yourself across in a good light, chances are that people are being honest with you and there's nothing to worry about.
Not very often will there be malicious intent. Life just happens.
What to do?
If you're spinning a story in your own head about what's happening, make it a good one. So many things can be solved very simply, by better communication.
A quick text. An short email. An acknowledgement. From either you to them, or from them to you.
Communicate clearly and simply. Remember, most of the time it's nowhere near as bad as your head is making it out to be. Seneca wrote,
‘There are more things … likely to frighten us than there are to crush us; we suffer more often in imagination than in reality.’
If it's on your mind a lot and truly causing you some anguish, you have some options... You can wait. You can let it go. You can ask. It's a great moment to practice the question, "What's the best that could be happening here?". Because more often than not, the answer will be simple and not malicious; they've forgotten, or they're busy.
Remember: control what you can control. Just do your best
You always have the option to uncommit to things. It's probably fine. But I don't know!
So here's my advice.
Assume the best.
Remember that everybody is spinning a bunch of plates.
Have patience.
Communicate and understand, with compassion and kindness.
Love ya,
- Franko
further reading
Not reading, but a place to buy me a cup of hot, brewed, tree nuts if you liked this. Thanks!
As a master at times in regard to 'Imagined Futures' this certainly struck a chord with me. So I shall definitely try to take on the advice given in this blog- particularly in regard to the three simple choices you suggest- wait, let it go, or ask. Simple, but very effective! My brain always feels better once it's made a choice. Thanks for that!